House of Waxman

If anyone needed a refresher course on how politics truly work on Capitol Hill, they got one if they tuned into ESPN yesterday. Just like they got one back on St. Patrick's Day, 2005.

If anybody needed a House Oversight and Reform Committee to watch over them more than baseball did, it was the House Oversight and Reform Committee itself.

Congress had a chance to not only expose an iconic baseball cheater, but make good for its abortion almost three years prior. Instead, its sequel mirrored "Weekend At Bernie's II."

It was clear yesterday that Republican representatives seemed to attack McNamee while circumventing the fact Clemens was even present. First, there was Dan Burton (R-Indiana) exhuming old newspaper quotes from McNamee (which are never sworn) denying allegations of drug use and calling McNamee a liar on several instances. Then there was Tom Davis' (R-California) interrupting Stephen Lynch's (D-Massachusetts) questioning of McNamee about an abscess on Clemens' rear being related to a Winstrol injection. Davis already wasted his 15 minutes talking in circles about Clemens' alleged absence from Jose Canseco's barbecue/luncheon as well as the pitcher bleeding through his designer pants after a supposed injection.

The Democrats were split, but if you actually believe Clemens after yesterday's hearings, you're probably the reason we have idiot leaders like these in office.

The only Representative who got anywhere with Clemens--besides Chairman Henry Waxman (D-California)--was the first gentleman, Elijah Cummings (D-Maryland) who went right to Pettitte's deposition and set the seven-time Cy Young Award winner up much like a good prosecutor does. Rep. Cummings asked Clemens about Pettitte's reputation as an "honest guy" and Clemens agreed. Then he asked him about a conversation Clemens had with Pettitte about HGH, to which Clemens denied. When asked if Pettitte--whom he admitted was honest--was lying, Clemens said Pettitte just "misremembers," or "misheard."

According to Clemens, the conversation supposedly was about two elderly men on a TV program who got their quality of life back thanks to HGH. Andy was so moved by this miracle that he went back and told his wife all about it. Now both of their testimonies are safe in the Congressional record. Only Honest Andy's memory of the conversation had nothing to do with Archie Bunker becoming Jack Le Lanne.

Then in 2005, Clemens told Andy that it wasn't HE who used HGH, but his wife, Debbie. So yesterday wasn't the first time Clemens strapped his wife onto the sacrificial launching pad.

Here's a few more reasons why you shouldn't believe Clemens:

* First of all, McNamee's stories are backed by Pettitte and Chuck Knoblauch, who both volunteered even more information than was found in the Mitchell Report. Yet, somehow, Clemens was "shocked" to learn his good buddy (Pettitte) would use HGH without his knowledge since they were so close. Yet, Pettitte also testified that Clemens told him McNamee had injected him with HGH which angered McNamee since Clemens was told by McNamee to keep his mouth shut.

(Stay with us.)

* Clemens involved his wife, yet denied he knew his wife was injected by McNamee, then she told him she was having a reaction to the HGH. He then said he searched McNamee's luggage for drugs, but never called a doctor on her behalf. Then he never seemed to fire McNamee afterward, nor did he call the cops on him, or at least beat him for making his wife a party to accepting drugs.

Most real men wouldn't even let their wives be implicated and would just give-up at that point. Apparently not Clemens, who also threw his agents, the Hendricks Brothers, next to his wife like the broken bat he launched at Mike Piazza during Game Two of the 2000 World Series.

* He invited his former nanny to his home whom he and his wife had not talked to since 2001 when it was learned she would be contacted by the House Committee. Why? Because in the midst of this whole Jose Canseco fiasco and conversations of steroid use, McNamee recalled Clemens' nanny chasing after his then 2 year-old son before he ran into Canseco's pool. He also recalled the nanny's bikini type, as well as Clemens' wife and kids sleeping over at Canseco's house. Then instead of Clemens just providing the committee with information on how to reach the nanny, he invites her over to "talk." Rep. Waxman chastised Clemens for what the Rocket believed was doing the committee--whom he addressed as "all y'all"--a favor.

* The story McNamee provided about Clemens' abscess and the testimonies of doctors who all said they had never seen an abscess after a simple B-12 injection, or a glute or muscle strain over two decades of practice.

* Rep. John F. Tierney (D-Massachusetts) reminded Clemens he said he never discussed HGH use with McNamee, but then Clemens admitted he discussed it with McNamee when it involved his wife. Interesting. Why you changing your story now, Rog?

Is McNamee the most credible person? Of course not. Is he a shady personality? Absolutely. Did he withhold some evidence from Senator George Mitchell before finally gushing with a box of gauze and needles? Of course he did. If there was one Republican Representative who got that fact right, it was Mark Souder (Indiana). But if that's true, that accused drug dealers typically give up bits of information along the way to protect their "client" before completely ratting him out, that doesn't mean McNamee is lying about Clemens.

But this hearing became an unorganized trial with a committee aligned to their own agendas, either partisan or personal. It followed a comical Congressional hearing on steroids in 2005 with another laughable example of Washington politics. Some Reps looked to publicly destroy McNamee and kill time so they didn't have to go after their hero. Everyone knows McNamee is a pariah. Going after him meant going nowhere. Rep. John Mica (R-Florida) even asked McNamee the different colors of steroids, which is like asking Cookie Monster the differences between Keebler Fudge Stripes and Snickerdoodles. Again, going nowhere.

There were more Reps like Mica who got nowhere with their allotted time and failed to follow Elijah Cummings' example of strategically using testimony to question Clemens or even McNamee. Instead of following his line of questioning, Tom Davis went his own way, as did everyone else.

Instead we got billboard sized pictures of Clemens from Virginia Foxx (R-North Carolina) telling Clemens she couldn't tell the changes in his size from Boston to Toronto to New York to Houston. She said she wasn't "an expert." Duh. Then she gave Clemens a Texas-sized hug after the hearing ended.

We also had committee members going after the Mitchell Report, attorneys speaking out-of-turn, and finally, Waxman doing what Mike Piazza never got the chance to do--knocking Clemens down at the end of the hearing.

What all this mean? Other than allowing the public to judge Clemens for what he is, nothing. Other than Clemens' stories making no sense to any rational person on any level, baseball will still go on. Meanwhile, those precious teenagers and college kids Congress seemed so concerned about before 10:15 AM will choose to use or eschew steroid use regardless of what athletes do simply because, like rock stars and rappers, they think they can beat it. They know how to use steroids, right? They're in control, right? They don't have a problem, right? They're not stupid, right? Teenagers know everything.

The only things that may actually scare kids from using steroids are the exhumed corpses of Lyle Alzado, or Ken Caminiti, or their favorite dead professional wrestlers loaded with autopsy scars. There aren't enough congressional hearings in America that can substitute for the deceased reasons NOT to juice, even if Congress actually was competent. Let's not kid ourselves about "the kids." Who is Congress kidding?

Write any excuse you want. This was public filibustering by Congress exploiting the youth of America as an excuse to go after baseball. At least Clemens' reputation will forever be held in question. Unfortunately, there's really nobody to go after Congress.

Baseball had its investigation. Congress decided it needed another one. But they botched it. They let the star witness, Andy Pettitte, stay home. Say what you want about failed OJ prosecutor, Marcia Clark, but she at least brought the bloody glove to court with her. With the exception of Waxman and Cummings, and the two congressmen from Massachusetts, yesterday America got another sour taste of the politics that continue to lead this country.

Yesterday was a microcosm of any government: personal and political agendas led by special interests. Whether it's baseball or balancing the budget, we now have TWO examples of Congress fumbling an important element of American society you all know more about than they do. It has to make you wonder what else our elected leaders are currently screwing-up.

Before yesterday's hearings, many Americans argued that Washington has more important things to deal with than baseball. After the hearings we learned that indeed, Washington has more important things to worry about than baseball.

Like Washington.